Catch 22

I just met Nikki and some friends for a drink at the lovely San Jose hotel- the weather was amazing, the music was perfect, and in general, I was so happy to be out and about. I made myself go. Not to say that it didn't sound fun naturally- it did- but it also sounded like a lot more work than lying on the couch watching a movie or lying in bed reading after a long day of hard work. But I said to myself "Self, you don't want to look back and wish you had used the time in these last few weeks differently..." so I got dressed and headed out, and I'm so glad I went.

I left feeling a little down though, I am not going to lie. Maybe it's obvious to most, but I feel as though I have realized a major catch 22 with pregnancy. After 9 months of being a bit reclusive and boring, being less active than normal, spending less time out and about being footloose and fancy free, it stands to reason that your body and mind would like to reward themselves with some mixing and mingling, nights out with the girls having glasses of wine, dates out with your husband, basically going out with a bang, if you know what I mean. Of course, the catch is that it's at this time, in your ninth month of pregnancy, that you can't really do these things, or you can, but you don't really even feel like doing those things in your current state, if you're honest with yourself. And so it is these thoughts that made me a little nostalgic about saying goodbye to my youth and how things are about to change.

But maybe I should look at things from Davis' perspective, even if the specific perspective being referenced came about after hours of drinking and celebrating on his 30th birthday. Around 2:00, sitting in the back seat of my car, Davis asked "Why do we always have to talk about our youth? Why can't we look to the future?"

Wise thoughts, I think. And so after thinking this through, though I know things will change and I am sure I will love the change as it happens, I also vow to bounce back and stay true to myself and the things I enjoy doing. There is no reason I can't find the balance of loving being a mom and loving being me as I am and always have been.

So that is the challenge, Joseph Heller, and I will rise to meet it.