1/31/13

Back at Work

Today is my first day back to work in a week! Crazy. If I had known, I would have planned a little vacation or some events or something. But, I had a lovely three days at home with Holden, and I tried to keep up with work as much as possible.

I have so much admiration for stay at home moms. I seriously don't know how they do it without losing their minds. I am not cut out for it. In fact, I think I am not cut out to do any ONE thing. As much as it's tiring to be going going going...I realize that when I'm not, I feel sort of bored and purposeless. So I'm going to remind myself of that over the next month or two because it's about to get busy. Bennett has some trips coming up and so do I. I can't say what the brand is- but we WON that pitch I worked on. So lots of onboarding stuff.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back at work. And today is Holden's last day with Jennifer. She has her 12 month well check/shots tomorow, and if she isn't feeling bad from that, I will take her for a few hours to try out her new class tomorrow afternoon. I mentioned that I met the lead teacher, Cindy, she came to meet us all at our house...well Tuesday, I brought some of Holden's things up to school, and I met the other teacher, Darielle. She was SOOOO cute and friendly- and I am just really excited for Holden. I think she will love it.

She is totally in a mommy phase right now- but I think after she adjusts, she will love the activities and the interaction with other little playmates. Every day this week, she would go with me to drop Davis off and pick him up, and she was SO excited to see all the kids and the activities. I am really thankful for the way it is working out.

Gotta run. Lots to catch up on.
AND MY OVERNIGHT WITH KATIE IS THIS WEEKEND. YAHOO!

P.S. Got lots of feedback on my previous blog. It's really okay. Sometimes you need to have some self reflection, even if it's uncomfortable. :)

1/29/13

Seeing the sadness

There is a lot of sadness in the world, when you really think about it.

I was talking to Ahmad the other night during a workout, he really has become such a dear friend of mine, and I was telling him that someone suggested that I am not a very compassionate person.

And he looked at me and said "Hmm. Well do you think you are?"

I automatically got defensive and said "Well, I mean it depends. I'm not compassionate toward people that make stupid choices and then have to pay the consequences. I'm really not. I'm not sure what that makes me- but I don't feel sad for people like that...but of course I feel sad for, you know...people."

And he quickly said "I know you're compassionate...because I've gotten to know you. But I could see how you could come across as hard or cold."

And I was on the elliptical, so I was just pumping my arms, cycling my legs, and thinking for a minute. And then I said something that I had not really articulated before. A truth that I knew was there, but that I hadn't spoken.

"Well yeah I can see what you're saying. I can see how I could come across that way...but it's not because I don't care. I don't know. I think it's almost because I care too much. About certain things anyway. I mean, I can't watch certain movies, I can't read certain books, I can't look at certain situations, because once I see them, take them in, I really cannot let them go. I guess that started to happen in college. Where everywhere I would look, as much as I would see joy, I couldn't help but watch it be overcome by sadness. There's really lots of sadness in the world. And it could be as simple as seeing someone older, sitting alone at dinner, and I would see that and feel so sad that I would quite literally make up a story in my head about how I shouldn't feel sorry for that person because he probably just killed someone or robbed a bank...seriously, I would. And I guess I decided to turn it off. To deflect things because I didn't know how to deal with them. Because I would see or experience something sad and it would weigh on me for days...and I couldn't shake it. So I figured I would just decide to not go there. So yeah, I'm sure I come across that way. Maybe, in fact, I'm not compassionate. Maybe I'm really not."

That's really a lot to say while working out...
And it's certainly even more to think about. And even as I write this, my chest hurts.

Because you have to look for the joy. But I think there is a chance, that in order to really see and feel the joy, you have to see some of the sadness. I should have made that a resolution. Learning to see the sadness. Understanding the balance.

A heavy blog. But the truth.




Lucky Day

The aforementioned pictures from our "lucky day" on Sunday.


Playing with trains right before his hair cut. 


I have two kiddos that LOVE My Gym.  


Up close and personal.


REALLY love the gym.


Look how long his legs are. He is SO BIG.


And this- this is my new favorite picture. It's like they are little buddies. Just eating a Rit (Davis calls singular Ritz "a rit") after swimming at the YMC.


Yesterday- playing with Miss Holden while Jennifer fights the flu. I HOPE she is back tomorrow. I need to get to work. I'm getting so behind...


And this smiley man, on his way to school today. I hope that scratch doesn't scar. I need to do a better job of putting Neosporin on it. It becomes a wrestling match every time I try. I guess if it does scar, it will earn him some street cred.

1/27/13

Sick Sick Sicky

Poor Holden felt a little warm Wednesday afternoon when I got home from work. But for the most part, she seemed okay, even sleeping through the night. However, by Thursday afternoon she had a 104.6 fever. My mom was in town (thank God) so she took her to the doctor, they ran tests and said that it was not the flu, but just a virus that would run it's course. I hate it when they say that. It basically means four days of misery (minimum) and no medicine.

Luckily, Thursday was the worst day. Friday was no fun and I basically held Holden all day, but I was glad I could be home with her.  Friday night, I needed a break, and I also already had a dinner date planned with Courtney...so that was a really nice step away from home and sickness. We ate outside at Perla's- drank wine, ate raw oysters and some AMAZING mussels. It was a great date. :)

By Saturday, Holden was feeling a little better, so I suggested we take a day trip to Lockhart for some BBQ. We had a great time. Just a 45 minute drive and it got us out of the house for a while. I will say, however, that Lockhart BBQ has nothing on Franklin's, in Austin. It was fun, nonetheless.

Then today, Bennett flew to Minneapolis for a week-long staff meeting...and poor thing, the HIGH on Thursday is 3 degrees. That's not a typo, I said THREE. So if the high is three, you're probably wondering what the low is...I was...and it's -11. Yes, again, NEGATIVE 11. UNREAL. Poor guy, his warmest coat will feel like a wind breaker.

We stayed busy today- intentionally. I sort of go crazy just sitting in the house all day with kids...so this was our day: 1) trip to My Gym at 10:00 a.m. (after Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, of course) 2) home for playing, lunch, and then naps (today was the first day I really got them to nap at the same time- so we ALL took naps) and then 3) swimming at the YMC (that's what Davis calls it) with Nikki. OH MY GOSH. We had so much fun. It was quite an adventure. So when you finish swimming, you walk out of the pool area, where it's sort of sweaty and warm feeling, and into this hall where it is like MINNEAPOLIS weather. Negative 11.

So there we are, Davis has to potty SO BAD, Holden is crying so hard because she is freezing to death, and Nikki and I are in our swimsuits, trying to hold Holden, get Davis to the potty, and also get our towels and clothes so we don't turn into icicles for goodness sakes. It's a madhouse. I look over at Davis, who is accidentally peeing on the wall, I look at Nikki, who is blue, I look at Holden who is crying so hard, and I just start to laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.

We were like a four person circus. And I knew at that moment, that Nikki got a little insight into what our day to day is like, trying to wrangle everyone, to keep us all from peeing everywhere for goodness sakes. Having Nikki come over is THE BIGGEST TREAT at our house. We talk about it all day, and Davis asks one hundred times when she will be here, and then we just have so much fun.

Then, as if our day wasn't exciting enough, we met Carrie, Zach, Porter and Mary Mae at Phil's for dinner. SO MUCH FUN. Holden was crying on the way there and Davis looked at her and said "Holden. It's O.K. We will get to see Porter VERY SOON."

On the way home, we talked about our day and I said "gosh, you got to go to all your favorite places today and see your favorite people. What a great day." And Davis said "I am lucky." :)

I have some great pictures. I'll upload them tomorrow. I have to take a sick day because Jennifer has the flu, Bennett is in Minneapolis, my mom is in New York, and that just leaves me. Sorry GSD&M.

Two funny things Davis has said at school lately, that his teachers have told me.

1) Hillary said that she wore a bright lipstick to school the other day and that Davis looked at her and said "Umm, Hillary, I like your shirt. And I, like your umm, your mouth."

2) A couple weeks ago we went to Phil's for dinner. We hadn't been in a long while, but the next day Davis went to school and said "Whenever my family gets hungry, we just go to Phil's."

Ha. Hope you had a great weekend.

1/24/13

The Elusive Robins

I finally got pictures of Davis and his classmates. Sometimes you gotta get real serious with people- and maybe that's what I had to do with a certain parent who was locking up access to the photos to promote his own business interests (a social media network for kids and parents- LAME). But that's beside the point, right? Anyway, on to the pictures. I love seeing their happy faces.

 
They very often stack these giant blocks and legos and pretend they are on a train or fire engine. 



This is Davis' lead teacher, Hilary. She is sooo great!


Music class. Just realizing how much lighter Davis' hair is in the summer.


Don't you just LOVE this picture?
And I would DIE to know what they were talking about. SO CUTE! 



He loves legos and building super tall towers. 


Their little supermarket at school.
I would have died over this when I was little.


 
See Davis in the far back? That little boy right next to him is his best buddy, Alexander. He is a doll. 





 
A birthday celebration!
 
 
Yay for the Robins!


1/23/13

YESSSS!!!!

They recovered the data from my hard drive.
I'm so excited. Happy Wednesday.

1/22/13

Very Interesting...

So we've been talking about selling our house for the last two years- and I think 2013 will really be the year...but we haven't really found many houses we would like to buy. In fact, there really has just been the one that we lost to a cash offer...which we can hardly get over. Really, any time we see a house, we say "It's no Buck Race" (that's the street it was on). In fact, we just flew the flyer away the other day (it's been almost a year) while shouting/sobbing "Goodbye, my love..."

So it's sort of been a pickle. Austin is not like other cities in Texas, where there are so many options, in many different price ranges. There are only a few good areas for schools, and there are even fewer areas with interesting homes...and about 1% of those homes are even close to affordable. So...we've been looking, but haven't really seen anything we love, which makes it hard to list our house because we don't want to live in an apartment for a year or have to move twice. And, we do like our little house. It's been good to us and it's FULL of great memories.

But here is what is awesome. Lately, we've been getting flyers and notes on our door asking if we would be interested in selling. So I've been hopeful that we could sell without having to actually put it on the market AND I've been hopeful that we can find a house first, then put ours on the market, sell it in a couple days and VOILA- it would work out perfectly. And I just got a note from our realtor yesterday saying that she actually thinks my vision could be a reality. Which is awesome. In the meantime, a couple is coming to look at our house this weekend because their realtor said they have seen everything and can't find a house in our area for a certain price with a certain square footage. But I don't think we would sell before finding a house- I sort of just want to see what they say and what we could get for it.

The interesting thing is that our house is not really that interesting. I don't think it represents us at all- externally. But internally- we've made it pretty great. The thing that amazes me is that somehow, we made a smart decision at ages 25 and 26 and bought in a good, practical neighborhood. Very unlike us. So I would just like to take a moment to congratulate our 25/26 year old selves for making a smart decision...because Lord knows we made many ridiculous ones too. Ha. Anyway, that is something interesting this week. It makes me excited and optimistic for when the right house comes up for us.

Anyway. Just thinking aloud. Here are a few pictures of Davis and Holden from this morning. Think Davis needs a haircut? Also, Ben, at school scratched his face. I hope it doesn't scar. Kids.

P.S. One month from now we'll be in San Diego. Woohoo!

 
Caught him mid-stretch. I wish he would oblige me and wear something other than track pants and t-shirts. Hmmph. 


I have seen his dad make this face a thousand times.



Eating some Honey Nut Cheerios.


1/21/13

January

So yesterday, the first thing Davis said to Honey when he woke up was "I'm not going to my house today...". I think it's safe to say that he enjoyed his little adventure with Honey. I'm so glad. I love that he is not afraid or scared and instead feels secure and happy go lucky. He came home and napped for over two hours. He was worn out.

Separately. I think I have spring fever. I shouldn't be so surprised. This happens almost every year in January and February. I feel so restless and bored and ready for adventure and change. I just can't figure out what that should be. But I need to figure it out. I HATE BEING BORED. AND RESTLESS.

Yesterday I felt like "If I stay in this house any longer I will just go nuts. Absolutely nuts." So, little D and I went outside and I made him help me spot Pico poop in the backyard. It was my turn to pick it up so we made it a fun little game. He would ride around on his John Deere and spot it in the grass, then I would pick it up and pretend I was going to throw it at him. He thought it was HY.STERICAL.

We cleaned up the back porch, played in the backyard, and then decided to wash our cars in the driveway. Then we laid out a sleeping bag in the front yard and we all laid on it for a while and pretended to take pictures of each other with a camera-less tripod. I am sure our neighbors think we're crazy- but sometimes you just have to make.things.fun. so you don't lose your mind for goodness sake.

Today I'm at work and I hate that we're open on MLK day. Get serious. Every year I think "I should have taken today off in protest." But it sort of snuck up on me, honestly.

And this year, if we haven't listed our house by March, I am bound and determined to set up a garden in my backyard. So Help Me. I will do it myself if I have to, but I'd really like to enlist Bennett's help and I think Davis will think it is fun too. I want to grow tomatoes especially, but I'm going to do a little research and figure out what else will grow in insane heat, that we also like to eat.

So did I tell you that I'm really doing Weight Watchers? And it's amazing- when you really do it, it really works. Unbelievable, right? I've lost about 4 pounds in the last few weeks and have 15 more to lose. I am doing this in perfect time for summer. Not a coincidence.

Okay- so I have a product review for you. I am sort of obsessive about clean surfaces. I want counters and things to be fresh and clean and smell like BLEACH. I really do. But sometimes it's a little much...so I tried this new product and I think it's awesome. Perfect blend of a fresh smell and feel, without being overly bleachy. AND it's for glass and other surfaces. So try it.

Also, here are some pictures of Holden. My mom gave her some presents and I put this little bow on her head from one of the packages- and she just left it there.




And a cute video Holden's nanny sent me. Her last day is next Thursday and then Holden starts at Child's Day. CRAZY. Hit the arrow and turn up your volume.





1/19/13

To Honey's House He Goes

Both my mom and Davis have been talking about the idea of a little sleepover at her house in Fred...Davis has loved talking about it, thinking about what they would do together, how they would play and drive his mini cooper and go to Old McDonald's for chicken nuggets. So he was pretty excited when we told him he was going to get to go today.

My mom picked him up at noon, we had his blue blanket ready, his ment mixer, a few race cars, and his little red monogrammed L.L.Bean backpack filled up and ready to go. He was especially thrilled that he was going to get to ride in the Red van from Austin to Fred.

We talked a lot about how special he must be since there is only one other seat in the van and Honey picked HIM to go back with her. All morning he asked when Honey was going to get here...and/but I wondered if when it came down to it and he saw that I wasn't going, he would get upset. Nope. He was like "see ya later, lady..."

So today they've been playing in Fred and Bennett and I have enjoyed a full day of talking without interruption. Seriously. You forget what that is like. And we've been able to focus all of our attention on Holden. One is so easy- I forgot what that was like too. Ha.

We watched GIRLS on Apple TV, played with Holden, cleaned up a bit, and then we went to a party Atomic Athlete was having at a new BBQ restaurant in town called Freedman's. Bennett and all of his gym buddies are so fit. It's really impressive. And intimidating. Holden was snacking on Cheez Its while we were there- and I wanted to be like "Umm- yeah these Cheez Its are NOT mine. I mean, who eats carbs, right?" ;-)

It's been a fun day and a nice change. Sometimes you forget how important it is to get out of your own routine.



1/17/13

Snuggle Bug

I know every mom says and thinks this, especially with little boys at Davis' age, but man is he obsessed with me. I'm just going to say it. He really is. Bennett and I joke about how I am sort of his power source and that he has to be touching me, sitting on me, hugging me, telling me he loves me, playing with me, a siginificant amount, in order to recharge and feel ready for the world.

I usually lay with Davis every night for a bit before bed. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we watch a few videos on my iPad, sometimes we read some books or tell stories...but lately, it's been hard for him when I am ready to get up. He says things like "I won't talk, mommy. I won't wiggle, either. You can just sleep here, with me..." And it's so sweet because he really will lie there quietly, hopeful that I will just sleep there for the night. At 7:45. Inevitably I have to explain to him that I have to eat dinner, do some work, talk with daddy, and then go nigh night. Lately, it's really a struggle, and the other night he cried about it until 9:30.

Tuesday night, I laid with him for a long time, and we let him stay up a little late playing because I had gotten home later from work. I could tell he was tired because he was very quiet as we laid there. Then out of the blue he said "Mommy. When I get big, I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to make people feel better." I said "Oh, that is a great idea, Davis..." Then he paused and said "And then I'm gonna drive a fire truck." He is going to be a real mover and shaker.

We laid there for a while, and then he rolled over on his side, wrapped his arms around my head and said "I want to pull you close to me..." and with my face nuzzled in his, we just laid there snuggling. So sweet. I want to remember that. I know it won't be that way for too much longer.

And then I guess that wasn't enough snuggling because yesterday morning, he woke up at 4:00 a.m. and came in to get in bed with me. He's never done that before- he usually comes in early around 6:30 to watch videos on my cah-pooter...but today, he just wanted to get in bed and sleep with us. I let him in, mainly because I was tired...but man, he is like a hot rock. After about 30 minutes of him laying ON me, I snuck out and went to sleep in his bed. Musical beds.

Such a snuggle bug, that Davis.

1/16/13

What One Looks Like

So Holden turned one on Sunday and my mom and Nikki continued the most amazing tradition they started with Davis, with Holden. Each year they are contributing to a travel fund so when she hits 18...she can go see the world. How amazing is that? The best gift ever. Here is the little card Nikki made.

Separately, here is what ONE looks like for Miss Holden. And I'll fill in more after her one year well check appointment later this week.

Holden's favorite foods, of the baby food variety, include: sweet potatoes, prunes & oats, squash, peas, and any sort of fruit/cereal combo. really the only things she does not like are chunky mixes, meats (unless masked by a fruit).

Her favorite table foods, though we haven't tried a ton of options yet, include: Ritz, Club crackers, Pirates Booty, dried strawberries and granola bar pieces.

Holden loves to play with Davis' toys. I have no doubt that she will be able to hang with the boys as she loves his garbage truck, his ment mixer, and all the big, loud, trucks and cars.

She also loves music and claps and smiles the second someone begins playing the guitar or singing. She is Davis' biggest fan when he turns on his little strum-along guitar.

She sleeps from about 7:15-7:45. She loves being cozy, so she has worn jammies with feet since she was born- even through summer.

She has just started saying "mama" and on her first birthday- she randomly started sucking her thumb. ???

She LOVES the bath. I simply turn the bath on, and know that wherever she is in the house, she will start crawling toward the bathroom, pull up next to the tub and bounce and smile until I take off her shirt and pants, and then she tugs at her diaper until it's off and she can get in.

She is a size three diaper, a size 3 shoe, and is about to make it into the 12-18 month clothing options.

She loves to be held, but isn't really a snuggler. Neither of my babies have been snugglers- though Davis SURELY makes up for that now. Try to kiss Holden and she will dodge it.

She is happy almost every single moment of the day. Davis was SO serious until he was about 18 months- so it has always been so different with Holden smiling like crazy...like her face might crack.

I love you, my sweet Holden.

P.S. Data recovery update: My hard drive has been sent off to a data recovery specialist, so I am hopeful some, if not all, will be recovered. :)


1/15/13

Catch Up

Figured out a work around for the photo uploader.
Here are some pics from the Christmas break. :)


 
Yes, Davis did receive a kids barbell with weights. :)
 


 
His shirt says "Santa's Helper" and that's exactly what he was.
He gave everyone their gifts and also helped open them...whether they liked it or not.
 



Trying out his mini Eames chairs. THEY ARE AMAZING.
Get yours at Red!


Also testing out Holden's Lamby chair. He gave it a thumbs up. She just likes to nuzzle her head in it.


 
Nothing like a pantless boy in a hard hat...
working with a tiny girl in a tutu.
 

 
Christmas boots for Davis and Bennett. Davis actually got his last year- but he's really into wearing them now. I'm glad they still fit. He calls them his "John Deeres". Not sure why other than that he wears them when he drives his John Deere. Kids.
 




 
She loves hanging out by this table.
 

 
My clap happy girl.
 

 
Holden and Bennett's aunt Libby.
 
 
These moments are the best- just hanging out- sharing a snacky packy- playing with a Swiffer.
 





She looks small and gentle- but don't share your snacks- and she will be on you like white on rice.
 


 
My happy boy.