Confidence.

The idea of confidence has been on my mind a lot lately...for two reasons, really. The first is that while we were driving to Hudson Wisconsin the other day, Bennett and I were talking about Davis and Holden and what they will be like and what will make them happy and how important it is to figure that out rather than project things on them...

And the second is that I recently reconnected with one of my best friends from my youth, and the topic of confidence came up again...and whether or not I am as confident as I come across...and it certainly caused me to think about my own confidence, where it came from, etc.

When talking to Bennett, I said something like "I mean, I have always believed I could do or be anything I wanted to be. Like really, anything. Always. I know that comes from my mom, but I don't remember the articulation of it. I think it was less of what she said, and more of what she did." For example, in kindergarten, when I wanted to be 'Sam' she got on board. I'm 32 and still Sam. When I told everyone I wanted to be a squirrel when I grew up, she didn't correct me or make fun. When I wanted to be a mechanic, she gave me her dish washing gloves and let me tinker in the garage for hours. When I was in the 6th grade, and I was CERTAIN I was as good as Michael Jordan when it came to basketball, she just encouraged me, saying I would certainly be so good.

Not to say I don't have insecurities, I'm human. Of course I do, but man, what a gift my mom has given me, and my sister too. Watching them both, so smart, so capable, so focused on going after the things they love...has made a huge difference in who I am.

Bennett and I also talked about Holden, and how tough it is to be a girl, and have so much focus on being pretty. That's also something we NEVER talked about. I didn't realize it until I said that aloud to Bennett. My mom never suggested we put effort into being pretty...that we try hard to be pretty. I mean, it didn't even occur to me until college that it was unusual to show up EVERYWHERE with soaking wet hair and sans makeup. I sort of felt like that was what everyone did. Now, she did tell us we looked cute and things...and we weren't total slobs. We dressed cute and wanted to look nice and feel comfortable, but but being pretty was never our focus.

I hope I can do the same for Holden. I hope I can encourage her and show her that some of the most beautiful people, the most sought after people, are simply the most interesting people. The people with confidence, with some sort of zhuz. I hope I can live a life that shows her that too.

And I hope Davis is attracted to people that are interesting, challenging, inspiring. Not pretty, but beautiful. Inside and out. As cliche as that sounds.

All of these thoughts made me think about this:

And that's what I'm trying to do. Not just for them though...but because I don't get to do this again and I want to make sure I use my time working at being who I want to be. Which made me think of this:

 

I believe it, believe it with all my heart. And I think if you're really living, it should feel like you are constantly doing the things that God placed in your heart when he made you YOU.

And I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. It gives me a happy heart, as Davis would say.